Conundrums in Finding Excitement
“If you want endless repetition, see a lot of different people. If you want infinite variety, stay with one.”
Although the topic of this statement is dating versus long term relationships, I realized pretty quickly this applies to every situation in our lives.
So dating is repetition and long term relationship is variety?! I love it when a statement seems backwards at first but then I realize the statement is so very true. Poof! A bit of space in my thinking where there was none.
This idea has become very valuable to me at the moment because my life has opened up. Kids all off to college, house sold and any direction I want with my career possible… freedom!
I know I want to re-choose intentionally fueled by my gut feel instead of my reactions. And I definitely know I do not want a life of endless repetition. I think I’ll take the infinite variety please.
So what does this mean? How does it work that staying with one rather than going with new leads to infinite variety?
I think quite often our tendency is to choose the new (or fantasize about choosing it!) because we simply have become bored with the old. It seems like the same thing over and over again. It can feel stagnant. Taking a hit of something new feels exciting. We get to have the honeymoon period chemical high that comes when everything feels new. And when that high wears off, we are right back at the same place again.
If you are a person who enjoys repeatedly starting over in any area of your life, you probably can see that the way we present ourselves in our new situations is generally the same every time. Same scene, new faces. We end up repeating ourselves and reliving the same experiences again and again. We act relatively the same on every first day at our new job or next first date. Our lives become endless repetition when we habitually keep entering new situations.
What if we played with not choosing something new when the urge for change hits? When we get that underlying itch from boredom? That feeling that there is no more excitement left? What if we instead stayed in that place or job or relationship when sometimes it feels more fun to start over?
Staying causes us to have to dig deeper into ourselves to create variety and interest and growth where things have grown stagnant. We can learn how to not BE the same every day and not DO the same every day. Imagination and thinking outside the box comes into play. And when we BE and DO differently, people around us notice. The coworkers and lovers and family and friends will respond differently. Our relationships and jobs will change. If you want infinite variety, maybe stay with one situation and BECOME the variety and creativity.
As always, this is delivered with the caveat of balance. By nature most of us tend to be either stayers or movers. Maybe just recognize what your tendency is.
Then the suggestion is to check out the opposite dynamic. Consider leaning in your atypical direction. If you do tend to be a mover and changer, maybe begin playing with staying and take charge of changing things up right where you are. Sometimes small changes can lead to big differences.
I mean, life is important and precious but there is this element of art and play and exploration too, right?
Now get out there and go play.